http://www.teflonhealthhazard.com/
Teflon and polar bears and styrofoam. Oh my.
According to studies by the CDC, 95% of Americans have the dangers chemical included in Teflon in their blood. During a test of the umbilical cords of 300 newborns, 99% were born with trace amounts of PFOA.
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Soy is sinking your sperm count?
According to new research, soy may be sinking sperm counts and feminizing males.
http://wnd.com/index.php?fa=PAGE.view&pageId=70504
http://wnd.com/index.php?fa=PAGE.view&pageId=70504
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
a survey for my paper
hey guys im doing a survey for my paper on health codes in restaurants. Please take a minute to check it out.
Thanks
Lee
www.surveymonkey.com/s.aspx?sm=bc_2fvGicimZp1Q1jkNl_2f_2fQ_3d_3d
Image and Text
As these will undoubtedly come out much the worse for wear if I print them, I'm just posting links to the pictures I chose. They are various bits of box art from the Criterion Collection, a NY based company dedicated to the remastering and rereleasing of important films.
Monsters & Madmen
This is a boxset filled with bad horror films from the late 50s, half of them starring Boris Karloff. The box art was a deliberate attempt to emulate the great old film posters for these sorts of films that would have been put into circulation around the time of their initial release. I love them because they juxtapose vivid colors, campy, yet ghoulsih font, and cartoonish reproductions of horrible images. It's playful and draws the eye in. To see the individual boxes, simply go here.
W.R. Mysteries of the Organism
The art here is fittingly kaleidoscopic and busy, because the film it represents is similarly so. The film, a half fiction-half documentary film on social reform through sexual liberation by Yugoslavia's greatest auteur Dusan Makavejev, is a blistering indictment of societal repression. The artwork incorporates a sterile font, representative of the calm waters that the movie was trying to shake, the film's pastel color scheme with multi-colored images of the people, real and fake, who grace the screen, entering the discourse whether they knew it or not.
Port of Shadows
Port of Shadows, is a poetic realist film about, as many of them were, wayward symbols of masculinity and femininity clashing over bleak backgrounds, their eyes always pointed at the stars and sparkling, their hair lit by the fill light. This box art appealed to me the instant I saw it, those beautiful blue colours making up a pitch-perfect noir set-up; two lovers under a giant cargo ship bound for the sea; plot be damned, I had to have it. The film was only slightly dissappointing after observing the slick craft of the cover, but, I can't complain when it comes to the French.
Withnail And I
This design is something of a rarity. The movie, Withnail & I, is a little like the Fear & Loathing in Las Vegas of Britain. With that in mind, I suppose it was only fitting that they commissioned Hunter Thompson's artist-in-crime Ralph Steadman, the man responsible for most of Thompson's book covers. Steadman, the master of the grotesque, upset many when he was out in the field in the early days, and so it was only natural that such a troubling movie would need the feverish hand of a mind like his. The cover comes complete with Steadman's indecipherable, yet rakish handwriting, as does the Criterion's release of Fear & Loathing, when they released it a year or so later.
Bonus: The Third Man
I couldn't get it down to just four, so here's an extra one. This is noir personified and the cover only scratches the surface of this brilliantly nuanced, thrillingly composed post-war masterpiece. Anyway, I'm starting to sound like a salesman. But you should watch these movies, they're awesome.
Monsters & Madmen
This is a boxset filled with bad horror films from the late 50s, half of them starring Boris Karloff. The box art was a deliberate attempt to emulate the great old film posters for these sorts of films that would have been put into circulation around the time of their initial release. I love them because they juxtapose vivid colors, campy, yet ghoulsih font, and cartoonish reproductions of horrible images. It's playful and draws the eye in. To see the individual boxes, simply go here.
W.R. Mysteries of the Organism
The art here is fittingly kaleidoscopic and busy, because the film it represents is similarly so. The film, a half fiction-half documentary film on social reform through sexual liberation by Yugoslavia's greatest auteur Dusan Makavejev, is a blistering indictment of societal repression. The artwork incorporates a sterile font, representative of the calm waters that the movie was trying to shake, the film's pastel color scheme with multi-colored images of the people, real and fake, who grace the screen, entering the discourse whether they knew it or not.
Port of Shadows
Port of Shadows, is a poetic realist film about, as many of them were, wayward symbols of masculinity and femininity clashing over bleak backgrounds, their eyes always pointed at the stars and sparkling, their hair lit by the fill light. This box art appealed to me the instant I saw it, those beautiful blue colours making up a pitch-perfect noir set-up; two lovers under a giant cargo ship bound for the sea; plot be damned, I had to have it. The film was only slightly dissappointing after observing the slick craft of the cover, but, I can't complain when it comes to the French.
Withnail And I
This design is something of a rarity. The movie, Withnail & I, is a little like the Fear & Loathing in Las Vegas of Britain. With that in mind, I suppose it was only fitting that they commissioned Hunter Thompson's artist-in-crime Ralph Steadman, the man responsible for most of Thompson's book covers. Steadman, the master of the grotesque, upset many when he was out in the field in the early days, and so it was only natural that such a troubling movie would need the feverish hand of a mind like his. The cover comes complete with Steadman's indecipherable, yet rakish handwriting, as does the Criterion's release of Fear & Loathing, when they released it a year or so later.
Bonus: The Third Man
I couldn't get it down to just four, so here's an extra one. This is noir personified and the cover only scratches the surface of this brilliantly nuanced, thrillingly composed post-war masterpiece. Anyway, I'm starting to sound like a salesman. But you should watch these movies, they're awesome.
Text and Image
I seem to have lost my assignment for Writing Log 2.3. Can anyone tell me what the assignment is?
Thanks!
Laura
Thanks!
Laura
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Writing Log 3.2
Does anyone know whether we need to print out our ads with the writing log. I know the outline says we're going to discuss them in class, but I wasn't sure whether to save the link or try to print up the ad. Thanks for anyone who can help!!!
Em
Em
Example of excellent peer review
While most students are doing a better job of writing specific and thorough peer reviews, the following is a stellar example of how to write a peer review. Notice how Talia specifically tells the author what is working in the paper and what is not working. She even refers to her own writing and also gives clear ideas as to how to work with future drafts. Notice, also, how she is analyzing on both the global and local level.
-Kat
How are you doing?
Well, let me start off by saying that you have taken on quite an issue for your research paper. I think questioning our diets and then comparing them to actual drugs is not only a daunting task, but an eye opening one. This topic, in fact, was one of the main reasons I liked your paper; no one would think to compare the two worlds of fast food and cigarettes, yet you seemed to do it here, relatively well. I think one thing that allowed you to craft an argument like this, is the amazing amount of research that you have done. I really commend your ability to write a sentence that is fully supported by rich and diverse sources. However, on the flip-side of that, I was left a little confused as to where the research physically was in the paper. For the most part I could recognize backup information that you found from another source, but for future reference, try to use parenthetical citations; this will make your paper that much more credible. Another thing that detracted from your paper was your sentence structure. For the most part, the sentences in this paper are…long. This is a problem that I struggle with as well. While at times a long, informative sentence is needed, the paper gets a little difficult to read after a while, simply because there are too many thoughts in one paragraph. By chopping some of your longer sentences, into shorter ones, I think the paper would have a nice mix of sentence structure, making it read much more easily. One additional aspect of your paper that I liked was your tone. In this paper you were able to use a quizzical, interrogational type tone with bits of sarcasm and wit, without sounding pompous. This tone is appropriate for the subject and makes the essay a great read. However, now we must move on to the bigger picture, your thesis. While I did love your topic and your analysis of it, I think your main argument needs to be cleaned up a bit. It felt like there were so many avenues to delve into this issue through, that you weren’t quite sure which one to go with. For example, on the last page of the paper, in one of the last sentences, you bring up the issue of classism and racism in the fast food industry; a great issue to raise. However, to me this seemed to come out of left field, simply because you didn’t mention in your thesis statement that you would be touching on that side of the argument. Just by sitting down and choosing a direction to go in with the paper, will leave it that much more focused and concise. Another “bigger picture” critique is the organization of the paper itself. I really appreciated the way you questioned the topic, then gave some background information, then moved into the Pelman v. McDonalds issue, and finally discussed the repercussions and after math of that case. However, I think the digression away from the fast food to the cigarettes in the third paragraph, was a little too abrupt. By either injecting some food related sentences in there, to balance the paragraph out, or adding a buffer paragraph before or after the third, this paragraph would be a lot more relevant. Overall this paper was written very well, and with some of these suggestions as well as a couple other minor tweaks, I think it has the potential to be really great!
I can’t wait to see the final product!
Sincerely,
Talia Schlair
Descriptive Outline
Paragraph 1:
What is says- This whole paragraph states (and questions) who and what is responsible for what we eat.
What it does- In this paragraph, the readers learn what the issue is which is, who is responsible for what we eat and why do we eat it. This paragraph also establishes why it is important to know about, and what you main talking points in the paper are going to be, these being: how fast food is relatable to drugs and how we have gotten to this point.
Paragraph 2:
What is says: This paragraph says that as a people we have developed a habit of blaming others for our bad eating habits. This paragraph also begins to explain the parallels we see between the fast food industry and the tobacco industry.
What it does: This paragraph serves as the link between the thesis and the body of the paragraph. It starts of by discussing the questions and attitudes behind what we eat, and it ends off by leading into fast food’s comparison to cigarettes.
Paragraph 3:
What it says: This paragraph talks about the history and controversy in earlier years of the cigarette companies, including background information in when cigarettes were found to be dangerous, and the lawsuit (the Tobacco Master Settlement Agreement) that followed.
What it does: To be honest, I don’t see what this digression truly does, except from digress from the paper. This paper does provide valid information and parallels between the cigarette industry and the food industry, but while this information is valuable, I think it can easily be placed in other paragraphs and still be relevant.
Paragraph 4 and 5:
What it says: Both of these paragraphs discuss the end result of the Pelman v. McDonalds case, as well as what this case shares with the Tobacco Masters Settlement Agreement. It also talks about the Pelman V. McDonalds role in opening up the subject of obesity in America.
What it does: These two paragraphs serve as the main focus of the paper; the parallels between the cigarette and fast food industries. These paragraphs are what support the paper.
Paragraphs 6 and 7:
What it says: These two paragraphs have essentially the same idea: that the fast food industry is getting wrongfully blamed for obesity, when it is really the consumer’s responsibility and fault.
What it does: Separately these two paragraphs o nothing but reiterate opinions and facts that we have already heard. However, these two paragraphs are discussing the same topic and therefore should be put together. Once joined, this paragraph brings the essay around full circle, and explains the writers opinion on why indeed we should be responsible for what we eat, no one else.
Paragraph 8:
What it says: This paragraph says that many people believe fast food is not a choice, but a reality that many lower class family’s have to live off.
What it does: This paragraph doesn’t really add much to the paper. These three sentences could probably be tacked onto the previous paragraph, but they negate each other. I think that this paragraph goes against the opinions that were just built that fast food IS a choice.
Paragraph 9:
What it says: This paragraph essentially says that Americans don’t care/aren’t recognizing what they are consuming and creating an obesity epidemic.
What it does: Again, this paragraph simply negates the rest of the paper another time, by saying that fast food is a choice and a “stupid” choice. This paragraph doesn’t serve the thesis simply because it is raising an entirely new issue about racism and classism; subjects that were never discussed earlier in the paper.
Paragraph 10:
What it says: In the end, this paragraph states that indeed the people of America are responsible for what they eat because they are not taking the time to see what the effects of eating fast food really are. This paragraph implicates the fast food companies for deceiving the customer.
What it does: This paragraph simply sums up some of the points throughout the paper. While I still feel that some points, like “consumer fraud” hadn’t been touched on in the essay itself, this paragraph was made to wrap up all the ideas set forth in the paper.
-Kat
How are you doing?
Well, let me start off by saying that you have taken on quite an issue for your research paper. I think questioning our diets and then comparing them to actual drugs is not only a daunting task, but an eye opening one. This topic, in fact, was one of the main reasons I liked your paper; no one would think to compare the two worlds of fast food and cigarettes, yet you seemed to do it here, relatively well. I think one thing that allowed you to craft an argument like this, is the amazing amount of research that you have done. I really commend your ability to write a sentence that is fully supported by rich and diverse sources. However, on the flip-side of that, I was left a little confused as to where the research physically was in the paper. For the most part I could recognize backup information that you found from another source, but for future reference, try to use parenthetical citations; this will make your paper that much more credible. Another thing that detracted from your paper was your sentence structure. For the most part, the sentences in this paper are…long. This is a problem that I struggle with as well. While at times a long, informative sentence is needed, the paper gets a little difficult to read after a while, simply because there are too many thoughts in one paragraph. By chopping some of your longer sentences, into shorter ones, I think the paper would have a nice mix of sentence structure, making it read much more easily. One additional aspect of your paper that I liked was your tone. In this paper you were able to use a quizzical, interrogational type tone with bits of sarcasm and wit, without sounding pompous. This tone is appropriate for the subject and makes the essay a great read. However, now we must move on to the bigger picture, your thesis. While I did love your topic and your analysis of it, I think your main argument needs to be cleaned up a bit. It felt like there were so many avenues to delve into this issue through, that you weren’t quite sure which one to go with. For example, on the last page of the paper, in one of the last sentences, you bring up the issue of classism and racism in the fast food industry; a great issue to raise. However, to me this seemed to come out of left field, simply because you didn’t mention in your thesis statement that you would be touching on that side of the argument. Just by sitting down and choosing a direction to go in with the paper, will leave it that much more focused and concise. Another “bigger picture” critique is the organization of the paper itself. I really appreciated the way you questioned the topic, then gave some background information, then moved into the Pelman v. McDonalds issue, and finally discussed the repercussions and after math of that case. However, I think the digression away from the fast food to the cigarettes in the third paragraph, was a little too abrupt. By either injecting some food related sentences in there, to balance the paragraph out, or adding a buffer paragraph before or after the third, this paragraph would be a lot more relevant. Overall this paper was written very well, and with some of these suggestions as well as a couple other minor tweaks, I think it has the potential to be really great!
I can’t wait to see the final product!
Sincerely,
Talia Schlair
Descriptive Outline
Paragraph 1:
What is says- This whole paragraph states (and questions) who and what is responsible for what we eat.
What it does- In this paragraph, the readers learn what the issue is which is, who is responsible for what we eat and why do we eat it. This paragraph also establishes why it is important to know about, and what you main talking points in the paper are going to be, these being: how fast food is relatable to drugs and how we have gotten to this point.
Paragraph 2:
What is says: This paragraph says that as a people we have developed a habit of blaming others for our bad eating habits. This paragraph also begins to explain the parallels we see between the fast food industry and the tobacco industry.
What it does: This paragraph serves as the link between the thesis and the body of the paragraph. It starts of by discussing the questions and attitudes behind what we eat, and it ends off by leading into fast food’s comparison to cigarettes.
Paragraph 3:
What it says: This paragraph talks about the history and controversy in earlier years of the cigarette companies, including background information in when cigarettes were found to be dangerous, and the lawsuit (the Tobacco Master Settlement Agreement) that followed.
What it does: To be honest, I don’t see what this digression truly does, except from digress from the paper. This paper does provide valid information and parallels between the cigarette industry and the food industry, but while this information is valuable, I think it can easily be placed in other paragraphs and still be relevant.
Paragraph 4 and 5:
What it says: Both of these paragraphs discuss the end result of the Pelman v. McDonalds case, as well as what this case shares with the Tobacco Masters Settlement Agreement. It also talks about the Pelman V. McDonalds role in opening up the subject of obesity in America.
What it does: These two paragraphs serve as the main focus of the paper; the parallels between the cigarette and fast food industries. These paragraphs are what support the paper.
Paragraphs 6 and 7:
What it says: These two paragraphs have essentially the same idea: that the fast food industry is getting wrongfully blamed for obesity, when it is really the consumer’s responsibility and fault.
What it does: Separately these two paragraphs o nothing but reiterate opinions and facts that we have already heard. However, these two paragraphs are discussing the same topic and therefore should be put together. Once joined, this paragraph brings the essay around full circle, and explains the writers opinion on why indeed we should be responsible for what we eat, no one else.
Paragraph 8:
What it says: This paragraph says that many people believe fast food is not a choice, but a reality that many lower class family’s have to live off.
What it does: This paragraph doesn’t really add much to the paper. These three sentences could probably be tacked onto the previous paragraph, but they negate each other. I think that this paragraph goes against the opinions that were just built that fast food IS a choice.
Paragraph 9:
What it says: This paragraph essentially says that Americans don’t care/aren’t recognizing what they are consuming and creating an obesity epidemic.
What it does: Again, this paragraph simply negates the rest of the paper another time, by saying that fast food is a choice and a “stupid” choice. This paragraph doesn’t serve the thesis simply because it is raising an entirely new issue about racism and classism; subjects that were never discussed earlier in the paper.
Paragraph 10:
What it says: In the end, this paragraph states that indeed the people of America are responsible for what they eat because they are not taking the time to see what the effects of eating fast food really are. This paragraph implicates the fast food companies for deceiving the customer.
What it does: This paragraph simply sums up some of the points throughout the paper. While I still feel that some points, like “consumer fraud” hadn’t been touched on in the essay itself, this paragraph was made to wrap up all the ideas set forth in the paper.
Monday, October 27, 2008
But I Hate Group Work!
Most students hate group work. Almost everyone dreads it, yet teachers continue to assign it. Write an informal blog in which you explore your feelings about group work. Think about why you like or dislike it. Reflect upon a collaborative writing task that you have completed int he past. Why do you think that particular rhetorical situation called for collaborative writing? How did your group work together? How did you organize and divide the work? What role or roles did you play within the larger group dynamic? What was the result and how would you have done it differently? Lastly, why do you think some projects call for collaboration and others are better completed alone?
This was formerly Writing Log 3.1. You do not have to blog about this idea; however, we should use this space as a place to air our grievances and anxieties about working in groups.
Kat
YELP
So, I brought this up in class a little while ago when we first started talking about the food project and no one seemed to have heard of it. WWW.Yelp.com is an awesome website that you guys should definitely check out, especially if you like going out to new and interesting restaurants. Yelp is a site like citisearch where users sign in and review restaurants, stores, museums, any place open to the public, but yelp is way better than citisearch. The layout is much better, and it is much easier to find new places. I ue it all the time, it has a great feature that lets you search only for restaurants that are open at the time of your search, and you can specify the category, neighborhood, price range, anything. Check it out!
Sunday, October 26, 2008
Raw milk
http://www.nationalpost.com/news/story.html?id=fd609585-98e6-4374-b4b9-b4827a81d4bd
Interesting article about a farmer who was selling "shares" of his cows to legally give unpasteurized milk to his customers. The government raided his property. This is happening in Canada, but it reminds me of a lot of food issues we discussed.
Interesting article about a farmer who was selling "shares" of his cows to legally give unpasteurized milk to his customers. The government raided his property. This is happening in Canada, but it reminds me of a lot of food issues we discussed.
literacy
one song can mean so much to one person.
it's not even the song itself, but its what or the reason why you can relate to it. ever wonder why some songs may make you recall/remember an ex-boyfriend/girlfriend? and why it's hard to continue to listen to that song, due to the emotional impact it has on you? that happens to me a lot. and it was so hard that i actually FORCED myself to listen to all the songs that my boyfriend and i listened to together or reminded us of one another (when we broke up). i think that everyone has some form of "music literacy." Whether it's because they practice the violin every single day and night and can hear specific notes when listening to to a song or whether its because you can pick up a beat on the drums or whether its because you love to sing and listen to music-whatever type it may be.
i think music is in everything just like art is in everything. we may not all be able to read as fluently as the person next door. but we all have some taste for music- doesn't matter how much we listen to it compared to the next person. we all listen to music. even the way the city doesn't sleep at night is a form of music. the beer cans being emptied out at marty's. the police cars buzzing by. the fire alarms that go off at 6:48 in the am. the smashing of broken glass bottles on friday nights. or the hum of televisions that can be heard walking by some apartments. or the bass that can be heard from the cars racing each other. bottom line, music can take on any form. maybe beyonce's new song is music to one person or perhaps just the simple beat that can be tapped out by shoes is musical enough.
that's all i'm saying..
it's not even the song itself, but its what or the reason why you can relate to it. ever wonder why some songs may make you recall/remember an ex-boyfriend/girlfriend? and why it's hard to continue to listen to that song, due to the emotional impact it has on you? that happens to me a lot. and it was so hard that i actually FORCED myself to listen to all the songs that my boyfriend and i listened to together or reminded us of one another (when we broke up). i think that everyone has some form of "music literacy." Whether it's because they practice the violin every single day and night and can hear specific notes when listening to to a song or whether its because you can pick up a beat on the drums or whether its because you love to sing and listen to music-whatever type it may be.
i think music is in everything just like art is in everything. we may not all be able to read as fluently as the person next door. but we all have some taste for music- doesn't matter how much we listen to it compared to the next person. we all listen to music. even the way the city doesn't sleep at night is a form of music. the beer cans being emptied out at marty's. the police cars buzzing by. the fire alarms that go off at 6:48 in the am. the smashing of broken glass bottles on friday nights. or the hum of televisions that can be heard walking by some apartments. or the bass that can be heard from the cars racing each other. bottom line, music can take on any form. maybe beyonce's new song is music to one person or perhaps just the simple beat that can be tapped out by shoes is musical enough.
that's all i'm saying..
Saturday, October 25, 2008
Conference Schedule
12th floor of Ansin
Monday, Oct. 27th:
10:20, Riley
10:30, Lucy
10:40, Alex
10:50, Marcus
11:00, Katie S.
11:10, Talia
11:20, David
11:30, Ian
12:30, Jess
12:40, Ally
12:50, Michael
1:00, Ben Hicks
1:10, Michelle
1:20, Caitlin
1:30, Kathleen
Tuesday, Oct. 28th:
9:20, Katie B.
9:30, Meghan
9:40, Emily
9:50, Walker
10:00, Grace K.
10:10, Lee
10:20, Sheri
10:30, Lance
10:40, Glenn
10:50, Ben Brewer
11:00, Linda
11:10, Laura
11:20, Allison
11:30, Jenell
11:40, Sam
11:50, Jenny
12:00, Cady
12:10, Grace D.
Monday, Oct. 27th:
10:20, Riley
10:30, Lucy
10:40, Alex
10:50, Marcus
11:00, Katie S.
11:10, Talia
11:20, David
11:30, Ian
12:30, Jess
12:40, Ally
12:50, Michael
1:00, Ben Hicks
1:10, Michelle
1:20, Caitlin
1:30, Kathleen
Tuesday, Oct. 28th:
9:20, Katie B.
9:30, Meghan
9:40, Emily
9:50, Walker
10:00, Grace K.
10:10, Lee
10:20, Sheri
10:30, Lance
10:40, Glenn
10:50, Ben Brewer
11:00, Linda
11:10, Laura
11:20, Allison
11:30, Jenell
11:40, Sam
11:50, Jenny
12:00, Cady
12:10, Grace D.
Friday, October 24, 2008
Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens Like to Read!
In honor of the premiere of High School Musical 3, here's a literacy campaign from Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HSyf4Eypn0w
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HSyf4Eypn0w
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Literacy in Music
As literacy extends itself to understanding and analyzing information through reading, seeing, and absorbing, one of the areas that this becomes necessary is the arts. While the category of 'arts' can blanket many things, I'm interested specifically in music. Having extremely little knowledge of the mechanics of music, one can still hear it and make a response. The way our minds interpret things such as tone, loudness, an mood are fairly natural, and people can generally respond to music in some way, again without any knowledge of what is actually happening. On another level, people can interpret music basically. This correlates to hearing music and thinking it is 'good' or 'bad.' Perhaps you cannot explain in musical or lyrical (if lyrics exist) terms why your preference is as such, but you know whether or not it appeals to you or not. On another level, you the listener, is comprehensive of the music. You know about the artist, you can make educated comparisons, you can give the song genre tags. You can discuss the song as a comprehensive listener, making a salient analysis of the song. Similarly, there is the musician-listener. This person expresses an understanding and knowledge of a song from a musical standpoint, specifically what they are hearing as a process of building individual sounds and parts into a whole product.
As nearly every other field, there are various levels of literacy one has to approach a given subject and situation. With music, I feel as though most people have some sort of literacy towards it, even if it is just basic physiological reactions. Especially here at Emerson, it seems so many people are passionate about music, be it finding the 'next' band before someone else, playing music, or simply liking it a whole lot.
So, I'm curious. If this is true, and music does affect nearly everyone as I seem to think, what music affects you? Why?
Why not give a song, why it affects you, and where you stand on the song.
And sometimes you cannot explain it, I have had songs rock me to my core, and I have no idea why.
I'm curious!
As nearly every other field, there are various levels of literacy one has to approach a given subject and situation. With music, I feel as though most people have some sort of literacy towards it, even if it is just basic physiological reactions. Especially here at Emerson, it seems so many people are passionate about music, be it finding the 'next' band before someone else, playing music, or simply liking it a whole lot.
So, I'm curious. If this is true, and music does affect nearly everyone as I seem to think, what music affects you? Why?
Why not give a song, why it affects you, and where you stand on the song.
And sometimes you cannot explain it, I have had songs rock me to my core, and I have no idea why.
I'm curious!
my blog!
i started a blog a few months ago. I haven't really done much with it so give me ideas if you have any! It's basically freelance writing, philosophical and sociologically based... but still, I would absolutely LOVE input! =]
it's called: chicken scratch.
it's called: chicken scratch.
art
What I realized is literacy IS absolutely everywhere. In my Introduction to Visual Arts class I just went on a field trip where we gallery hopped on Newbury Street. Art is everywhere and literacy IS a type of art. It's a form of expression and identity. You read to understand the world in which you live in.
On a different note, to answer the Writing Log 3.1, I like group work. I really do. But at the same time, I don't. If I know the people and how they work, then it seems to be an easier, less tedious task. However, as I mentioned in class, I like to do a lot of the work because I feel like I trust myself more than others. But as I also mentioned, I've gotten a lot better with that. I take in all ideas, but I kind of like to be the leader or the secretary so to speak. I write down all ideas, divide up the work, and set deadlines. It's just my way of organization. I think a project like this would be fun because it enables creativity.
On a different note, to answer the Writing Log 3.1, I like group work. I really do. But at the same time, I don't. If I know the people and how they work, then it seems to be an easier, less tedious task. However, as I mentioned in class, I like to do a lot of the work because I feel like I trust myself more than others. But as I also mentioned, I've gotten a lot better with that. I take in all ideas, but I kind of like to be the leader or the secretary so to speak. I write down all ideas, divide up the work, and set deadlines. It's just my way of organization. I think a project like this would be fun because it enables creativity.
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Peer Review
Bring in 2 copies of letter and descriptive outline, and the annotated draft.
Things to touch on:
Structure/Organization "putting the pieces together"
Things to touch on:
Structure/Organization "putting the pieces together"
- Open form
- Holes
- Is it concise?
- Does it work?
- Evidence and analysis (balanced)
- A combination of you versus your sources.
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
MLA
Last, but not least....some links to MLA citation guides.
http://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/557/01/
http://www.dianahacker.com/resdoc/
http://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/557/01/
http://www.dianahacker.com/resdoc/
Descriptive Outline
Some of you asked for an example of a descriptive outline. Here's a beginning paragraph from "Literacy in the New Media Age" by Gunther Kress,
Literacy is by no means all there is to contemporary communication. Other resources, images above all, are used, sometimes more insistently than those of "literacy" or alphabetically written words in meaningful arrangements. Given that in the world of the new media there are numerous modal resources involved in the making of messages--word, spoken or written: image, still and moving; music: object as 2D models; soundtracks: action--it has in any case become essential to ask what we mean by "literacy."
Descriptive Outline
Paragraph 1:
SAYS: Literacy is a multifaceted term and it is essential that we ask ourselves what it means to be literate. There is more to literacy than just the written word.
(the says portion of the D.O. will be very specific to the paper and address the writer's topic and argument)
DOES: Asks the reader to question what it means to be literate.
Establishes credibility and authority through the use of specified terminology (IE literacy, modal)
Introduces the different types of literacy modes. The reader expects that these terms will be further established and questioned later in the paper.
(the does portion of the D.O. will address HOW THE PAPER IS PUT TOGETHER. How are the pieces working? What does this paragraph accomplish. It would be here that you would want to say how this paragraph relates to the larger paper. Does it expand upon an idea? Does it veer from the thesis? Is it the thesis? IN SHORT, WHAT IS IT DOING IN THE PAPER AND WHY?)
Hope that helps. Please do not hesitate to ask question on the blog or via email. These descriptive outlines are very important not only for your peer review partner, but to help you see how the parts of a paper can work together to create a cohesive whole.
Literacy is by no means all there is to contemporary communication. Other resources, images above all, are used, sometimes more insistently than those of "literacy" or alphabetically written words in meaningful arrangements. Given that in the world of the new media there are numerous modal resources involved in the making of messages--word, spoken or written: image, still and moving; music: object as 2D models; soundtracks: action--it has in any case become essential to ask what we mean by "literacy."
Descriptive Outline
Paragraph 1:
SAYS: Literacy is a multifaceted term and it is essential that we ask ourselves what it means to be literate. There is more to literacy than just the written word.
(the says portion of the D.O. will be very specific to the paper and address the writer's topic and argument)
DOES: Asks the reader to question what it means to be literate.
Establishes credibility and authority through the use of specified terminology (IE literacy, modal)
Introduces the different types of literacy modes. The reader expects that these terms will be further established and questioned later in the paper.
(the does portion of the D.O. will address HOW THE PAPER IS PUT TOGETHER. How are the pieces working? What does this paragraph accomplish. It would be here that you would want to say how this paragraph relates to the larger paper. Does it expand upon an idea? Does it veer from the thesis? Is it the thesis? IN SHORT, WHAT IS IT DOING IN THE PAPER AND WHY?)
Hope that helps. Please do not hesitate to ask question on the blog or via email. These descriptive outlines are very important not only for your peer review partner, but to help you see how the parts of a paper can work together to create a cohesive whole.
Also start to think about VISUAL DESIGN!
How are the picture and the text working together in this image? Why does the author compose it the way he/she does? Think about the text, picture, typography, coloring, and size.
Literacy as Social Action
We're beginning the literacy campaign on Thursday, but what is literacy? Its a very versatile and often controversial term. In fact, most languages don't even have a term for what English calls "literacy." So what is it? Thoughts....
A new relationship with Food...
I just found this CBS news clip on my topic of "Freegans". I thought it showed a really unique way of looking at what we eat/throw out and how different people have different relationships with their food.
Monday, October 20, 2008
above is an example of something someone found walking home in the rain. ( The fact that the note is riddled with errors makes it a little less threatening...but then again I'm not Joey)
I stumbled upon foundmagazine.com the other day and I figured you guys might find it interesting. It's sort of like Postsecret, except instead of sending in postcards with secrets, people send in letters and things they find on the floor or wherever. The website has something called "The Find of the Day" where they display new finds daily. The finds usually consist of really weird notes or pictures people dropped or threw out that other people find and send in. I found it interesting that since I'm not the intended audience I don't understand half of what these people are saying, but I still read the notes and laugh at them.
Sunday, October 19, 2008
Source about fish for Caitlin
http://www.washingtonian.com/articles/restaurants/3870.html
There's the url for the article about fish. I've been trying to email it, but it just not going out. Hope it helps and you still need it.
Emily
There's the url for the article about fish. I've been trying to email it, but it just not going out. Hope it helps and you still need it.
Emily
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
What American kids are eating.
Ok, so we've been talking all about food quality and what we consume as Americans, and he one thing that I keep thinking of is the cafeteria food at the elementary school i volunteer at. Cathedral Elementary in the South End is a government subsidized Catholic schools with kids from underprivileged backgrounds. Every day I'm there, I see what the kids eat in the cafeteria, and frankly, it is DISGUSTING! everything is frozen, pre-packaged, processed, chemical infused trash that I would never dream of feeding to another human being. I can't believe that anyone would think that it was okay to feed this stuff to young kids! Our society needs help, this stuff shouldn't even be produced!
The entire time I was watching King Corn I kept thinking about this commercial I had seen this summer. It was made by the Corn Refiners Association of America--
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KVsgXPt554Q
What is really is so bad about corn syrup compared to sugar? Is it just that corn syrup is in too many of our food products? Maybe it really is all about moderation.
Random Thoughts after King Corn
Something dawned on me while watching the movie that I had truly never considered before -- you see, I had always assumed that farmers backed lobbyists who got subsidies through congress, and the reason they supported subsidies was because they either lacked knowledge about capitalism or assumed (much like Michael Pollan) that the traditional rules of capitalism didn't apply to them. After watching the movie though, I realized these pro-subsidy lobbyists were probably not backed by the farmers, they were backed by the major conglomerates -- because they stood to profit the most from it. If farmers are traduced into what is essentially wage slavery, the profit margins on corn revenue must be going wholesale to the companies which act as merchants for their (the farmers') products. A portion of this net profit, in turn, trickles down from the companies to pay the lobbyists who justify the corporations' exploitation of farmers via the implementation of subsidies. Since paying one or two lobbyists a substantial fee is cheaper than paying every farmer in America a decent one, the corporations are probably saving a lot of money by doing this. Additionally, because the farmers are paid to overproduce, the corporations never lack a supply of raw material. This is the most elegant, thorough and utterly evil scam I have ever really understood. How someone ever thought all this up originally is a complete mystery to me.
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
King Corn
After watching King Corn today I could not stop thinking about all the corn I eat on a daily basis. Throughout the documentary they kept talking about the U.S. Farm and Food Policy and I was intersted to read more about it..I found this link off of the King Corn website. http://www.farmandfoodproject.org/
Filmmaker's Note
I was going to put this in my reaction paper, but it has nothing to do with the content of the film, merely the style. Well, I may still put it in the reaction paper. The film is shot on 16mm film, if I'm not mistaken, and one of the most important steps in filming with this stock is color correction. It used to be you had to do it manually, but now with telecine technology being what it is, you can turn your film into video for as little as 150 dollars and then edit your movie digitally. Clearly the filmmakers chose their super-saturated color scheme for a reason (the corn is so GOLDEN), but they forgot to adjust for people's faces, so consequently, every interviewee looks they're freezing cold and sickly red. This is so simple a mistake, it seems pretty thoughtless that they didn't correct it.
High Fructose Corn Syrup
After watching the King Corn video in class today, I remembered seeing these ads not too long ago. Just wondering what people think of them. To me they seem a little propaganda-ish.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YE5aSUcU3YA
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YE5aSUcU3YA
Monday, October 13, 2008
He Found His Calling
I'm not sure if you have already discussed this or even heard of this gentleman, but he definitely demonstrates an example of someone who uses his writing to elicit a public response:
World Record Writer
And I'm sure he boasts a healthy, thriving social life as well...
- S
PS: This is a friend of Kat's who thought this might interest you. Good luck with the rest of your semesters!
World Record Writer
And I'm sure he boasts a healthy, thriving social life as well...
- S
PS: This is a friend of Kat's who thought this might interest you. Good luck with the rest of your semesters!
question about the paper.
Hey guys-
Hope everyone had a good holiday weekend. I would guess I am not alone in doing a lot of homework today and I had a question. I want to do my paper on health guidelines at one of the 2 places I worked. It has come down to either a movie theatre chain or legal sea foods. Legal sea foods has more, polices them a lot more, has an entire department that has surprise inspections of all the restaurants. There are also a lot of breaking of the rules, but not as much as the movie theatre. I am leaning towards legal sea foods, but let me know what you think.
Thanks.
Lee
Good Writing, Bad Writing
In the Writing Log 2.2: Sample Student Research Paper, several students wrote about "good" writing and "bad" writing. I found it interesting that writing was being defined into the binaries of good and bad. So, what makes good writing and what makes bad writing?
Thoughts.....
Saturday, October 11, 2008
Annotated Bibliography??
Is this the right way to annotate? I feel totally lost.
This video was produced as part of a video cast for SourceCode, a weekly, half-hour news-magazine program airing exclusively on Free Speech TV. Archived shows are available on their website, where I found this show which focuses on the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina. The Food Not Bombs segment of the show This source will definitely help with my paper, since its shows quite clearly how Food Not Bombs is able to step in and make effective change even when other organizations can't. Also, it shows that FNB is dedicated to feeding any and all people who need it, not simply the homeless, which makes them a more broad reaching organization. There is of course bias in the video, since it was made by a young activist who would obviously identify with the organization and its members more than an outside would. However, the information pertained within is for the most part impartial, and therefore worthwhile for my paper.
This video was produced as part of a video cast for SourceCode, a weekly, half-hour news-magazine program airing exclusively on Free Speech TV. Archived shows are available on their website, where I found this show which focuses on the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina. The Food Not Bombs segment of the show This source will definitely help with my paper, since its shows quite clearly how Food Not Bombs is able to step in and make effective change even when other organizations can't. Also, it shows that FNB is dedicated to feeding any and all people who need it, not simply the homeless, which makes them a more broad reaching organization. There is of course bias in the video, since it was made by a young activist who would obviously identify with the organization and its members more than an outside would. However, the information pertained within is for the most part impartial, and therefore worthwhile for my paper.
Thursday, October 9, 2008
Critique of Research Paper
I found reading this paper to be very helpful in writing my own research paper because I have not written one in 6 months. It got me thinking about what I need to do better in my own papers and also how to refine my topic.
The Suffocating Effects of 9/11 has its good aspects; as well as some things that need improvement. A couple of the good parts of this paper are the emotion and evidence. A couple of areas that need improvement are flow between paragraphs and fully explaining topics.
This paper topic is full of emotion. For anyone who was old enough to remember 9/11, the thought of that day causes many emotions ranging from sadness, to anger, and fear. I myself remember very intimate details about the day like the weather and where I was and what I was doing when I first heard about the attacks. This paper focuses on the health issues caused by 9/11 and who they effected. The author brings out emotion in quotes that they use. An example of this is on page 5, an excerpt from the film Dust to Dust, in which the author describes Officer John Wolcott as crying as he wonders aloud what his family will do when he passes away. The author also brings up the lying that the EPA and other government officials did in the wake of the attack. Being told that one was lied to will cause anger and bring the reader to the authors point of view. Lastly, emotion is also used when describing Greg Quibell who has to live in a neighbors basement while he rents his house out to pay for medical bills. The government should cover his medical bills, and to see a man essentially homeless because he went above and beyond to help his country is very emotional.
The author also uses evidence to their advantage in this paper. Using evidence makes arguments believable rather than the reader just thinking they are the authors beliefs. Especially in a topic about the effects of working at 9/11 when it was not healthy to do so, there needs to be facts to back up what the author believes. The author uses EPA reports, documentaries, and news releases in the paper. An example of evidence is on page 4, when the author is talking about the EPA doctoring its press releases to sound better, "...the general public should be very reassured by the initial sampling." This was only 2 days after the attack, and according to the author, this was not enough time to gather credible information. Yet another good example of evidence can be found on page 2, where the author uses a quote from the Office of the Inspector General of the EPA about the ability to breathe the air. "When the EPA made the September 18 announcement that the air was 'safe' to breathe, it did not have sufficient data and analyses to make such a blanket statement." This quote shows that the air was not safe to breathe, a week after the attacks, when they already had rescue workers working at Ground Zero.
Now for some of the aspects that need improvement. The one that stuck out almost immediately was the flow between paragraphs needs help. It is important when writing a paper that it flows nicely to not make it hard to read and also so that it makes sense. The author does not transition well from paragraph to paragraph in the essay. On page 2 the author goes from talking about misleading facts to talking about getting ground zero cleaned up so Wall Street could function again. At first this doesn't make sense, but later in the paragraph you find out that the cleanup was not handled properly and the people in charge of the cleanup were trying for speed rather than to do it right and protect the health of the workers. If the author had used a topic sentence or explained the topic of that paragraph earlier it would have helped. Another example is on page 4. The author organized this page well talking about health related problems generally then going into the Documentary Dust to Dust talking about specific cases. However, there is no flow at the end of the previous paragraph. The author could have put in a sentence like, "there are many stories/examples of rescue workers having horrible health issues after the fact." Then it would flow better.
The next issue that I had with the paper was that some topics or statements weren't fully explained by the author. It left me asking myself questions, which makes it appear that the author rushed and was only focused on their topic. An example of this is on page 2. The author says that officials wanted to clean up ground zero quicker for many reasons, including getting the economy back on track, and getting wall street back up. I wanted to know what was the economy like and what happened to wall street. Another example of not explaining topics fully can be found on page 3. The author states a lot of workers did not use protection. What protection should they have been using and what specifically could that have helped. Lastly on page 6 the author says the government should be doing more to help the workers, which I agree with. How does the author feel they should help, free health care, clinics, operations? The paper is good, it just needs to explain a little bit more.
Sample Research Paper Critique
Parts that Work Well: - The author uses a lot of evidence, and for the most part, uses it very well. For example, on page three, they use evidence from a professor of atmospheric sciences, and the E.P.A. to back up the claims of the toxic chemicals and compounds that were in the air after 9/11. Using evidence from wel known and credible sources like the E.P.A. and information from scholars on the specific subject you are talking about can really help back up your claims.
- I really liked the part on page 4 where the author uses the example about the government always hiding any negative claims by "...adding reassuring comments to the end of each unpleasant sentence in their releases..." This part is very effective because it is very simply and well written, easily getting the point across to the reader.
Parts that did NOT work well: -Where is the thesis? There definitely is not one in the introduction paragraph, (which is way too long) and I could not find a solid thesis throughout the rest of the paper. There is no argument in this paper, there are a lot of facts, and the author proves their point that the E.P.A. screwed up with the cleanup after 9/11, but there is no argumentative thesis. The author needed to add an argumentative part to the essay, as it is, it's a good documentation of the incidents surrounding the cleanup of the NY financial district after 9/11, but the author does not go beyond that.
-The author used a lot of emotional appeals in the essay which I thought were out of place and distracted from the argument. Obviously, in an essay about 9/11, it would be hard not to let your emotions slip into it. I just do not think that the emotional style of writing used in the paper worked well mixed in with the large amount of scientific data, mixing the two genres of emotional writing and scientific research does not work well in this essay.
- I really liked the part on page 4 where the author uses the example about the government always hiding any negative claims by "...adding reassuring comments to the end of each unpleasant sentence in their releases..." This part is very effective because it is very simply and well written, easily getting the point across to the reader.
Parts that did NOT work well: -Where is the thesis? There definitely is not one in the introduction paragraph, (which is way too long) and I could not find a solid thesis throughout the rest of the paper. There is no argument in this paper, there are a lot of facts, and the author proves their point that the E.P.A. screwed up with the cleanup after 9/11, but there is no argumentative thesis. The author needed to add an argumentative part to the essay, as it is, it's a good documentation of the incidents surrounding the cleanup of the NY financial district after 9/11, but the author does not go beyond that.
-The author used a lot of emotional appeals in the essay which I thought were out of place and distracted from the argument. Obviously, in an essay about 9/11, it would be hard not to let your emotions slip into it. I just do not think that the emotional style of writing used in the paper worked well mixed in with the large amount of scientific data, mixing the two genres of emotional writing and scientific research does not work well in this essay.
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
The Suffocating Effects of 9-11
Good- I think the writer of this research paper did a pretty good job of researching certain aspects of this topic. Throughout the paper she gives many statistics that show how much she is really interested in her topic. Her quotes are backed up by many real life examples of people that have been effected by toxic air, which brings in the pathos and grabs the reader. Because the writer strongly emphasis the corruptness of the government and EPA, one can tell how emotionally involved they became while writing this paper.
I also found that this writer had little punctuation and grammatical errors. The overall paper is written in a pretty easy to read way. I don't mean because of the actual content but you dont have to be a rocket scientist to follow this paper.
bad- I had a major problem finishing reading this paper. The first paragraph was overwhelmingly long and doesnt end until page two. Break that up! There are many instances like where the writer begins to talk about the EPA where you could clearly start a new paragraph about specifics about why it was not safe, even though the EPA confirmed that it was. The opening paragraph seems more like a summary of the whole paper than an intro. Just break it up a little. I also had a lot of trouble finding what the actual purpose of this research paper was. There is no specific thesis. This paper could easily have ended after the first paragrapgh because the rest of the paper is just repeating what the intro says.
Research Paper Critique
Good: I liked when the writer provided real-life testimonies on pages four and five. I thought this made the issue more real to the reader and it demonstrated research in an interesting, personal way. The imagery is very vivid, and it fits really nicely into the paper.
I also really like the variety of sources the authors used. In consulting the list of Works Cited, I discovered that the author used a documentary film, an article from the New York Times, and several internet sites. The variety of sources, especially his use of film, a visual medium, made his paper more interesting and greatly strengthened his paper though the use of concrete facts and examples.
Bad: Overall, there was way too much emotion and personal opinion in this paper. A research paper is not persuasive writing, and it is not appropriate for a writer to enter his or her own opinion into their paper. In regards to the papers we analyzed in class, I think both writers had opinions about their topics but never did they explicitly state how they felt on the issue and how they thought their readers should feel. Sentences like "They should take responsibility for their mistakes and aid these individuals with everything they can," were very bothering to me. Absolutely no research was used in formulating this author's opinion, ergo, he should have left it out of the paper.
Nowhere in the paper could I find a thesis. I thought the organization was lacking, and the paper in its entirety seemed like it was written in the author's stream of consciousness where the author just relayed his thoughts on 9/11 and pollution as they came to him.
I also really like the variety of sources the authors used. In consulting the list of Works Cited, I discovered that the author used a documentary film, an article from the New York Times, and several internet sites. The variety of sources, especially his use of film, a visual medium, made his paper more interesting and greatly strengthened his paper though the use of concrete facts and examples.
Bad: Overall, there was way too much emotion and personal opinion in this paper. A research paper is not persuasive writing, and it is not appropriate for a writer to enter his or her own opinion into their paper. In regards to the papers we analyzed in class, I think both writers had opinions about their topics but never did they explicitly state how they felt on the issue and how they thought their readers should feel. Sentences like "They should take responsibility for their mistakes and aid these individuals with everything they can," were very bothering to me. Absolutely no research was used in formulating this author's opinion, ergo, he should have left it out of the paper.
Nowhere in the paper could I find a thesis. I thought the organization was lacking, and the paper in its entirety seemed like it was written in the author's stream of consciousness where the author just relayed his thoughts on 9/11 and pollution as they came to him.
9/11 paper
Well constructed idea about what is Good--
The essay does two very important things: it incorporates a lot of research and conveys that the paper is well researched. This may seem redundant, but there is a big difference between finding a lot of sources and knowing how to integrate them so that the writing seems informed. I give credit to the amount of sources that the writer draws from as well as the writer's ability to use those sources effectively. The writer does not stretch any of the quotations to meet his own material, and this gives the essay a strong sense of continuity.
The paper also does a good job of sticking to an audience. The writer avoids scientific terminology when discussing the ailments of the WTC workers while still conveying the seriousness of their symptoms. Though the audience for this paper is broad, I could see it appearing in a publication such as Yahoo! news. In a world that is often overloaded with confusing scientific and political writing, it can be helpful to simplify the details of such a controversy into a more coherent narrative.
Well constructed idea about what is Bad--
Stylistically the paper is lacking. The writer seems to answer the problem of making expository writing engaging by using loaded adjectives as well as informal idioms (example--a double whammy--"These men and women sacrificed their time in a patriotic attempt to get America on its feet as quickly as possible")
The essay also has issues with passive voice and awkward sentence structures, making it hard to understand the content at times; this makes the writing seem very amateurish. Structurally the paper is in the wrong order. The majority of the paper is focused on showing that the EPA withheld valuable public health information during the crisis, and it is not until the end of the paper that the reader learns of the exact consequences of those actions. The condition of the workers today is the paper's strongest evidence and should be used to lead off the rest of the essay.
I think if the writer went in and fixed the awkward sentence structures, got rid of inappropriate qualifiers as well as colloquialisms, and then restructured the paper to seem more like an article in a news periodical (leading off with the strongest and most compelling 'headline' worthy evidence), this essay could be greatly improved
Ben Brewer
The essay does two very important things: it incorporates a lot of research and conveys that the paper is well researched. This may seem redundant, but there is a big difference between finding a lot of sources and knowing how to integrate them so that the writing seems informed. I give credit to the amount of sources that the writer draws from as well as the writer's ability to use those sources effectively. The writer does not stretch any of the quotations to meet his own material, and this gives the essay a strong sense of continuity.
The paper also does a good job of sticking to an audience. The writer avoids scientific terminology when discussing the ailments of the WTC workers while still conveying the seriousness of their symptoms. Though the audience for this paper is broad, I could see it appearing in a publication such as Yahoo! news. In a world that is often overloaded with confusing scientific and political writing, it can be helpful to simplify the details of such a controversy into a more coherent narrative.
Well constructed idea about what is Bad--
Stylistically the paper is lacking. The writer seems to answer the problem of making expository writing engaging by using loaded adjectives as well as informal idioms (example--a double whammy--"These men and women sacrificed their time in a patriotic attempt to get America on its feet as quickly as possible")
The essay also has issues with passive voice and awkward sentence structures, making it hard to understand the content at times; this makes the writing seem very amateurish. Structurally the paper is in the wrong order. The majority of the paper is focused on showing that the EPA withheld valuable public health information during the crisis, and it is not until the end of the paper that the reader learns of the exact consequences of those actions. The condition of the workers today is the paper's strongest evidence and should be used to lead off the rest of the essay.
I think if the writer went in and fixed the awkward sentence structures, got rid of inappropriate qualifiers as well as colloquialisms, and then restructured the paper to seem more like an article in a news periodical (leading off with the strongest and most compelling 'headline' worthy evidence), this essay could be greatly improved
Ben Brewer
The Suffocating Effects of 9/11
Bad- At no point does he ever explicitly state what his goal in writing the paper was. There was no thesis statement. Not even a thesis moment. The first paragraph seems to summarize his entire paper. Then in the second paragraph he goes into more detail, but he pretty much says exactly what he already said. The third paragraph does the same thing. The paper would have been much more effective if, in the first paragraph, he told us what he was going to say instead of saying it all so soon.
Also, the organization of the paper does not work the way it is. A paper should be organized so that every paragraph gives the reader more and more evidence supporting his claim (even though he doesn't really make one). Like I already said, he seems to just repeat himself throughout the entire paper. When I read it through the first time, I found myself growing more and more frustrated. He kept saying the same thing over and over.
Good- What I liked about this paper was the actual writing itself. Whoever wrote the paper seems to be a very good writer. He is able to write very nicely formed sentences and can make them flow very well. I especially liked his second sentence in his first paragraph.
He also transitions from one paragraph to the next extremely well (even though the content of each paragraph didn't). This also suggests that he was infact a good writer, however, he should have focused on organization a little more.
The Suffocating Effects of 9/11: The Good & The Bad
Good
Sentence structure: the writer of this research paper has a knack at making his/her sentences flow. She/He is very good with punctuation, transition and word choice contributing to the paper's fluidity.
Research: I could tell that the writer spent a good deal of time researching his/her topic. The information was thorough and he/she used statistics, quotes, and facts in a very persuasive way, which really supported the argument. As said above, the research was worked into the sentences in a very natural, fluid way, educating the readers without distracting them.
Bad
Clarity: The major problem with this essay is the lack of a clear moment outlining the essays over all objective. He/she loses his/her main point - the betrayal and mistakes of the government after 9/11 - in the jumbled, unclear organization of the paper.
Right away the reader is confused. There is no intro or thesis explaining what is going to be discussed in the rest of the essay; he/she just jumps right into facts about health and the EPA when that's not what the essay is truly about. There are also no topic sentences. The job of topic sentences are to clearly and concisely describe the content of the following paragraph. Instead the writer disregards the need for topic sentences, completely confusing the reader and making the essay extremely hard to follow.
Repetition: Another down fall of the essay is the repetition. It seems as though many of the same points are made throughout numerous paragraphs. Paragraphs one and six and seven discuss the health detriments caused by 9/11, the lack of scientific information, and the governments attempt to hide the truth from the public. It seems as though these paragraphs, and many others, could be combined and compacted, increasing their overall effectiveness.
Basically, what the hell is this writer's point?
Sentence structure: the writer of this research paper has a knack at making his/her sentences flow. She/He is very good with punctuation, transition and word choice contributing to the paper's fluidity.
Research: I could tell that the writer spent a good deal of time researching his/her topic. The information was thorough and he/she used statistics, quotes, and facts in a very persuasive way, which really supported the argument. As said above, the research was worked into the sentences in a very natural, fluid way, educating the readers without distracting them.
Bad
Clarity: The major problem with this essay is the lack of a clear moment outlining the essays over all objective. He/she loses his/her main point - the betrayal and mistakes of the government after 9/11 - in the jumbled, unclear organization of the paper.
Right away the reader is confused. There is no intro or thesis explaining what is going to be discussed in the rest of the essay; he/she just jumps right into facts about health and the EPA when that's not what the essay is truly about. There are also no topic sentences. The job of topic sentences are to clearly and concisely describe the content of the following paragraph. Instead the writer disregards the need for topic sentences, completely confusing the reader and making the essay extremely hard to follow.
Repetition: Another down fall of the essay is the repetition. It seems as though many of the same points are made throughout numerous paragraphs. Paragraphs one and six and seven discuss the health detriments caused by 9/11, the lack of scientific information, and the governments attempt to hide the truth from the public. It seems as though these paragraphs, and many others, could be combined and compacted, increasing their overall effectiveness.
Basically, what the hell is this writer's point?
sample research paper
For some reason, I thought this paper was going to be a really good example of how a research paper should be written and when we were told that we needed to go through it and find out what's wrong with it I thought that it would be difficult to do so.
Anyway, I think that the two most important things that need some work in the paper is organization/structure and transitions. I was always taught in my English class junior year of high school (and it's helped me with the rest of my papers) that a paragraph should be organized with 1. a topic sentence, 2. a sentence describing Point #1 and then a sub-point with an example.
It would look like this:
1. Topic Sentence
2. Point Sentence
Sub point A
Example 1
Sub Point B
Example 2
etc. etc...
I knew what the author of the paper wanted to get across and he knew what he wanted to get across obviously because there was a lot of research done (one of the aspects of the paper that I liked) but it seemed to be all over the place. Also, when you mention a name such as EPA or government officials, in order for the reader to know who is who, a short, brief description of the person would be effective (even if it's a footnote). If there was structure to the paragraph, the author could have plugged in his examples, including quotes to support the points he wanted to be supported with outside information. This way people would have been able to understand what the author was getting at without having to go back to previous paragraphs.
Another thing that needed work were the transitions. I felt that the paper would have flowed better if the last sentence of a paragraph and the first sentence of the next paragraph were somewhat connected - doing so would allow the reader how the paragraphs connect and what they have to do with one another.The author could have used transition words or phrases.
I mentioned that I liked how the author did have a variety of different types of research, I also liked how there was a passive voice- it showed that the author of the paper was concerned with the topic he was writing about.
Anyway, I think that the two most important things that need some work in the paper is organization/structure and transitions. I was always taught in my English class junior year of high school (and it's helped me with the rest of my papers) that a paragraph should be organized with 1. a topic sentence, 2. a sentence describing Point #1 and then a sub-point with an example.
It would look like this:
1. Topic Sentence
2. Point Sentence
Sub point A
Example 1
Sub Point B
Example 2
etc. etc...
I knew what the author of the paper wanted to get across and he knew what he wanted to get across obviously because there was a lot of research done (one of the aspects of the paper that I liked) but it seemed to be all over the place. Also, when you mention a name such as EPA or government officials, in order for the reader to know who is who, a short, brief description of the person would be effective (even if it's a footnote). If there was structure to the paragraph, the author could have plugged in his examples, including quotes to support the points he wanted to be supported with outside information. This way people would have been able to understand what the author was getting at without having to go back to previous paragraphs.
Another thing that needed work were the transitions. I felt that the paper would have flowed better if the last sentence of a paragraph and the first sentence of the next paragraph were somewhat connected - doing so would allow the reader how the paragraphs connect and what they have to do with one another.The author could have used transition words or phrases.
I mentioned that I liked how the author did have a variety of different types of research, I also liked how there was a passive voice- it showed that the author of the paper was concerned with the topic he was writing about.
research paper
In terms of the research project, I am planning on writing about the effects the media in America has on women and eating disorders. What do you think? Do you think that the media (including the fashion industry) play an important role? Does anyone have suggestions on where I can get personal stories or perhaps do you guys have any ideas concerning how i can obtain information from Emerson students...will a survey be effective?
Question to Think About...
So, why is food such a hot topic right now? Has it always been such a strong force in the media? Why or why not? If you need blog participation points (and most of you do) consider responding to this question...
Research paper problems
Ok, to the writer of this paper
Good
Topic: I had no idea just how badly the government screwed everyone (I mean, I knew about most of it, financially and militarily, but not to this extent about health problems). Kudos on bringing this subject to light
Information: You use information, quotes, and testimony well and use it to your benefit, eliciting an emotional reponse from your reader, something it isn't easy to do in a research paper.
Bad
most everything, including Rhetoric: You do a whole lot of romanticizing in your word choice and have sentences essentially comprised of pathos. The actions of both government and worker speak for themselves, You don't need to call anyone Evil or a Patriot every couple of sentences, it just isn't necessary. You're telling us what to think, but really unconvincingly
Evidence: You make a lot of claims you either don't explain or can't explain. You connect things that can't really stand the connection. You veer into the stuff about financial district workers and you don't substantiate it or even really explain what it has to do with your topic. You guess about motives and make it sound like fact. It isn't. It's your opinion. Stop it.
Good
Topic: I had no idea just how badly the government screwed everyone (I mean, I knew about most of it, financially and militarily, but not to this extent about health problems). Kudos on bringing this subject to light
Information: You use information, quotes, and testimony well and use it to your benefit, eliciting an emotional reponse from your reader, something it isn't easy to do in a research paper.
Bad
most everything, including Rhetoric: You do a whole lot of romanticizing in your word choice and have sentences essentially comprised of pathos. The actions of both government and worker speak for themselves, You don't need to call anyone Evil or a Patriot every couple of sentences, it just isn't necessary. You're telling us what to think, but really unconvincingly
Evidence: You make a lot of claims you either don't explain or can't explain. You connect things that can't really stand the connection. You veer into the stuff about financial district workers and you don't substantiate it or even really explain what it has to do with your topic. You guess about motives and make it sound like fact. It isn't. It's your opinion. Stop it.
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
Weekend Workshop about Food Writing
Grub Street is a local writers' workshop. It is amazing. Expensive, but amazing. Check it out.
WEEKEND WORKSHOP: Sunday, October 19th, 9 - 4PM, Brunch Workshop in Food Writing: Good to the Last Syllable Instructor: Clara Silverstein Whether you whip up four-course meals in your spare time or happily subsist on burgers and fries, you all face the challenge of how to translate the food on your plates to the words on the page. Clara Silverstein, author of two cookbooks and a former food writer at the Boston Herald, leads in-class exercises to help you learn effective techniques for creating a food narrative, from describing a meal to introducing a recipe – without once resorting to the hackneyed descriptions of “mouth-watering” or “delicious.” Excerpts from authors including Laurie Colwin, Daniel Pinkwater, and Jhumpa Lahiri show how to use food as a way to tell a more universal story. You’ll also take a closer look at cookbooks to learn what’s likely to get published these days, and why. NOTE: the class will meet at Grub Street at 9AM, then, after introductions and coffee, walk to the swanky Avila restaurant, which is preparing a special prix fixe brunch. Cost of brunch ($25/person) included in price of course. $120 non-members, $110 members. Includes brunch! Grub Street HQ, 160 Boylston Street, Boston, MA.
WEEKEND WORKSHOP: Sunday, October 19th, 9 - 4PM, Brunch Workshop in Food Writing: Good to the Last Syllable Instructor: Clara Silverstein Whether you whip up four-course meals in your spare time or happily subsist on burgers and fries, you all face the challenge of how to translate the food on your plates to the words on the page. Clara Silverstein, author of two cookbooks and a former food writer at the Boston Herald, leads in-class exercises to help you learn effective techniques for creating a food narrative, from describing a meal to introducing a recipe – without once resorting to the hackneyed descriptions of “mouth-watering” or “delicious.” Excerpts from authors including Laurie Colwin, Daniel Pinkwater, and Jhumpa Lahiri show how to use food as a way to tell a more universal story. You’ll also take a closer look at cookbooks to learn what’s likely to get published these days, and why. NOTE: the class will meet at Grub Street at 9AM, then, after introductions and coffee, walk to the swanky Avila restaurant, which is preparing a special prix fixe brunch. Cost of brunch ($25/person) included in price of course. $120 non-members, $110 members. Includes brunch! Grub Street HQ, 160 Boylston Street, Boston, MA.
Sample Student Research Paper
For Thursday, read the sample student research paper. Make sure you comment ON the paper, giving detailed feedback. I will collect the paper.
For the blog, post underneath this thread. Write about two elements of the paper that are working and why, and two elements that need work, why, and suggestions for improvement. Make sure to be as specific as possible! This will count as a writing log and is one of the most important assignments of the semester!
For the blog, post underneath this thread. Write about two elements of the paper that are working and why, and two elements that need work, why, and suggestions for improvement. Make sure to be as specific as possible! This will count as a writing log and is one of the most important assignments of the semester!
Monday, October 6, 2008
Go Veg!
While researching sources for my research paper I happened upon this site, goveg.com, which is an over view of the correlation between the meat industry and the environment and I thought it was really interesting and informative. To anyone who's interested in becoming a vegetarian, or in the environment, or in manure, I strongly suggest checking it out; it's eye-opening stuff.
Topic.
Oh, and my topic is going to be the history and future of veganism. If anyone is a vegan and would like to express their opinion, I'd love to hear it!
Local Vs. National
Reading about the local control of crops versus national interests influencing them and the struggle of corn growers reminds me of a documentary I love called Harlan County, USA about coal mining and the absolutely destructive nature of union breaking. Hearing how difficult it is to maintain a farm that feeds your family without caving to enormous outside influences is essentially the theme of this amazing, award-winning documentary and the universality of such a theme. Ordinary citizens have had an uphill battle against the men upstairs since agriculture was deemed lucrative and caste systems determined that some will work and others will simply collect. The film is at times frighteningly tense and a happy ending is almost never guaranteed (and even a happy ending on screen does not mean unconditional good times for the protagonists, of which there are too many to count). Everyone lives and dies by the actions depicted here and lives are truly at stake. This is documentary film-making at its most incisive and relevant.
Sunday, October 5, 2008
Project 2 Topic...
Hey, I'm think about using "Freegans", people who go through trash and eat other people's wasted food for my topic for project 2. Anyone have any ideas as to what I should include in my paper or a good angle I should take?
Friday, October 3, 2008
Thursday, October 2, 2008
Hopp's Essays
Hopp's essays are very concise and work on a specific argument. I'd like to hear your reactions to the piece. Also, why do you think I would choose these essays as good examples of argument?
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Notice: No Office Hours on Monday October 6th
I will be out of town for a composition conference on Monday, Oct. 6th; therefore, I will not be holding office hours. If you would like to make an apt. for later in the week, just let me know.
Also, I will be gone from Sunday until late on Monday and will not have easy access to my email. I will try to check it, but be prepared for longer response times.
Thanks!
-Kat
IDEAS FOR PROJECT 2: FOOD AND CULTURE
Struggling to find an idea? Want to share you idea and get feedback? Here's the place to do it.
Also, feel free to share any sources (both academic and popular) that you are finding helpful.
Wallace's "Consider the Lobster"
Will and Grace
We've already had some comments on the Will and Grace set in the library and I'm loving in! What I'd like everyone to think about is: How do people interact with the space? What is the set (as a genre) accomplishing? How does it feel to have a public space that is used for studying merge with a private space?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)